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Posts Tagged ‘memory’

I lived in Los Angeles for nearly 2 years, about 11 years ago. It was a long-time dream of mine to live out there in California and work in computer graphics on a Special Effects team for movies. I did live there, and I did work in computer graphics, but I never made it to get on a Spec. FX team, nor did I move up to Skywalker Ranch not far from San Francisco, like I’d originally hoped. I lived about 7 hours south of San Francisco actually, in Long Beach. I left my car in Wisconsin, and my first move out of my parents’ house, I moved 2,300 miles across the country…

…with a moving truck, through the mountainous Rockies, through sleet and snow,

…through Vegas,

…back in September 1999.

…when I moved then back to Wisconsin almost instantly almost 2 years later due to a fire (I’m calling it a “fire” because that’s what trusted friends called it at the time… it was not a physical fire, but I was in an abusive relationship, and there was a turning point), I left California in a matter of 5 days flat. Even my company helped support me due to safety issues and made sure I had a job back in Wisconsin when I arrived back. One day I was in Belmont Shore, 3 blocks from the beach, where the sun always shone and the temperature never dropped below 45 degrees even on the coldest winter day. The next day I was in Bel Aire with a suitcase catching the first plane back to Wisconsin… During my last 5 days I moved from Long Beach downtown staying at work during the night and in Belmont Shore at my apartment to pack during the day, to Lakewood, to Bel Aire… in hopes to confuse my attacker and get myself out as quickly as possible. I haven’t written about the story since it happened, so this is the first time.

The reason I’ve mentioned it is because when I got back to Wisconsin I became thoroughly depressed. The job wasn’t the same, my work friends were still in California, the weather was horrid… and I had to move back in with my folks, from having lived in my own apartment in Belmont Shore, a beautiful little town on the outskirts of Long Beach, next to a place called Naples, which had gondolas running through a man-made waterway. There were no more palm trees. There was no more warm sunshine every day. No more ocean to gaze out on. But, also no insane man trying to kill me… so, I was “home” I guess… but miserable all the same back in dreary Milwaukee.

I did eventually move on, but when I initially got off of that plane coming back to Wisconsin I’d made it clear I meant to be back in California with in 6 months… or that I’d move to China next, and it was very tempting when I saw an international flight board leaving for China from LAX near my terminal back to Wisconsin, to attempt to switch flights… but, here I was… back on the ice planet of Wisconsin. And I knew, it was my destiny.

Well, It is now 2011. In late 2010 I realized I’d hit the mark past a decade since I’d been down the street I lived on in Belmont Shore and my first apartment, which was in downtown Long Beach. I missed everything still. And I’d promised myself to return, but never lived up to it. Ok, so, I made it a New Year’s resolution to return. And today, I am a week away from that mark and everything stands against me… timing, weather, finances… but I’m going. Meanwhile I’m in the middle of a move to another residence in SouthEastern Wiscosnin, and am amidst great trials at work. But, this was the plan. And unless girls on maternity leave, leave earlier than predicted at work for their time off, I intend to be back on the street I lived on for a few short days–in a matter of only a few short days.

There is one thing in my favor though… just as the weather turned not be against my favor when I left Calfiornia for Wisconsin back in 2001, next week the weather in Long Beach and Laguna is predicted to warm up another 15 – 20 degrees and refrain from raining… so it will be in my favor. I will see old work friends. I will hit up some old favorite spots. I will walk down the streets I lived and worked on. I will walk the way I walked when I lived out there–maybe even go whale watching as I did on a monthly basis out there 10+ years ago. And I will be going to Laguna Niguel to again touch the natural marshes Crystal Cove State Park where the coast line is filled with nature and beauty. Returning yet again to Wisconsin from here will also again be really hard. I can’t prepare myself for the return any better than I could the last time I left, but I can know that I have always followed my heart, followed my dreams, and lived up to my promises to myself. This will conclude just one more. I’ve always wanted to say good-bye to the streets I lived on. I didn’t have the chance then. I intend to do that now.

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